Animation

I’m not big on superhero movies in general. I saw Batman way back in 89, I think it was, but I was a kid…I never saw Spiderman- Toby Maguire fighting anybody is just a joke- he’s way too sissy to be super-anything. I’m trying to think of other “superhero” flicks, but all I can think of is XMEN, and I’ve never seen any of those movies either. Animated superhero stuff is okay- I liked Justice League a lot, but when it comes to live action movies based on superheroes, they all come off as sissy.

The best case of this is with this new Superman. He looks like the world’s biggest sissy who has some odd fetish for wearing tights and a huge cape that makes his already smallish frame look ever smaller and wimpier. I might go see Superman Returns just because I like IMAX versions of movies, but it’s hard to say if I will like it at all.

Check out the pictures below, and tell me that live action Superman just doesn’t cut it. I went to a couple comics message boards and even IGN where they discussed the new costume for this movie, and I see that many people think this guy cast as Superman looks way too wimpy and that the costume is all wrong. Not all agree and think he looks totally “badass”, of course, but here’s my take.

Check out Superman as shown here from The Justice League.

This guy is BUILT. He’s definitely SUPER in all aspects. The thing about animation and comics is that he doesn’t look like he’s wearing tights at all. He just looks like natural- like the suit was made for him and he was made for it. Seriously- why, in live action versions, does ANY superhero wear tights? What villian in his right mind would be frightened by some dude in tights? Tights, for heaven’s sake! Anyhow- this superman just works. He looks “super,” he looks like he could take on bad guys, he doesn’t look at all sissy or wimpy.

Now, take a look at two pictures of the new superman from Superman Returns.

He’s just not super. He looks small. He looks sissy…he’s wearing tights and wimpy looking boots that look like they were taken from some hobbit movie. I see him with his cape swinging behind him, and he actually looks like a hobbit who escaped from Lord of the Rings. Tell me he doesn’t look like a total girlie-man!

Can someone tell me why on earth his S logo is so tiny? And why does it look like he’s wearing a tiny speedo? Those are definitely what you call “short shorts!” Finally- if you notice, even the Justice League version of Superman has the curly hair hanging down in the front…Superman Returns is the same deal. But, for me, in live action that big curl just looks sissy itself. I admit it looks sort of sissy even in the comic and animated version, but it doesn’t look as bad as on a real actor. I never understood why on earth Superman, being a superhero and all, looks like he just came from the nerd convention in that his hair is plastered to his skull in the ‘I just won the science fair’ look, while at the same time he’s got that sissy curly lock hanging down like he just left the salon and asked the gayest stylist to make him look as girlish as possible.

I think, with this new film, the casting was terrible. The costume is terrible. The idea to keep using a smallish guy in tights as a superhero is still a bad idea. In the end, Superman is a sissy. Face it.